This path....not as easy as one might think

Hello dear friends,

This blog will be on the spiritual path I have been on.  One of growing awareness, of all that was, all that is, and all that CAN be.

I have been on this path of "awakening" for over 3 years now, but it has definitely been heightened with the yoga therapy teacher training that I have been doing all year and the challenge I joined to raise money for Haiti with "Off the Mat, Into the World".  Both these journey's have given me a "step up" along  this path, this path of "awakening" the inner spirit.  At first I was thinking "I am SO looking forward to unpacking some of this baggage that seems to have set up home within me".  Well, NOT as easy as one would think, incredibly hard....on ALL levels!!For my Phoenix Rising Yoga therapy teacher training that is 8 months long, a lot of it is actually filled with readings, reflections, introspections, and making us look at our "shadows" so we can clear the path to hold an honest, authentic and safe space for the client, without our "baggage" getting in the way (Yes! We all have baggage). We are human after all.  Between the work for the course and my efforts on the journey to aid Haiti by raising funds and going there next year, A LOT has been coming up.

Growing up as a child, I lived in different countries like a gypsy. We were living in poverty and there was abuse, which led me to spend my teenage years going through the foster care system.   Somehow, I did make it, and went to several universities, only to return to the gypsy life I knew as a child after graduating. I just packed in all my memories inside, and stored them there so I could continue to lead my life "normally".  Never thinking that I would ever have to face them....boy, was I wrong!

About 3 years ago, I had a big message/life lesson from the universe that the patterns in my life couldn't continue, that I have a bigger path that was not being followed. That there was a bigger plan.  So I started on this path....thinking it would be great to just unravel the unwanted/unhealthy habits/ways of seeing myself and the world, and then that would be that. Like magic! Well, NOT QUITE AS EASY as I had expected, and boy are things unraveling.

What is making the path SO challenging for me is the acute awareness that is prevalent now in all aspects of my life.  This awareness is causing such anxiety, helplessness and sometimes just feeling at a loss.  As I become aware of a thought or feeling that may not be healthy, the frustration sets in as all  I have in my "bank" is what I learned from previous role models and the trained mind of what the truth is, about me and the world around me.  This was keeping me from believing in myself and the power I can have in this world.  Trying to unravel the years of learned views/behaviours is not as easy as it may seem, because then there is the feeling of being at a loss in what to do or how to alter what is present .....all that is known. 

As I go through this time in my life of moving out of my comfort zone, on all levels, and continuing to grow and persevere in things I believe in, my time on the mat has been a pocket of my life that is immeasurable in value.  As things from the past start to rise, the mat is the one place they can release or "have a voice".  I have always been a little quiet and fairly private, and my time on the mat allows my body to move through the postures and feel what is rising to the surface and be present with it as I take each breath in my own little world on the mat....even though, really in a packed room full of other sweaty yogis.;-)

This awareness, no matter how heightened and emotional at times, is inspiring me to be more than what I have allowed myself to be.  To get out from under the heavy rock of feelings of "why me" or "I can never achieve....", to be FREE from the past and etch down (slowly) to a more authentic self.  I often imagine this giant slab of rock that is slowly being etched away at to get a masterpiece.  A magnificent piece of work that took so much time and effort, and was created from a mere rock....inner spirit and beauty set free!

One that is such a free loving spirit, that has wings that want to fly with visions of a better world, a better life for those in need and a life filled with love and gratitude.  This is the journey I am on, this is what makes me persevere for myself and for others (Haiti with "Off the Mat, Into the World").  I  have had such challenges in my life, and feel so lucky and blessed for the opportunities and guidance I have been handed to lead me to where I am today, and I want to give back in some way.  To make a difference!  Giving back.....this is my path......

Check out www.yoginipath.com to find out more about me, and the "Off the Mat, Into the World" challenge for Haiti.  Ways to support my journey and up-coming events and promotions are all listed.

With Gratitude and MUCH LOVE!

Ella